i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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