Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
