I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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