Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
