i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
