did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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