Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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