he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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