The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
