Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
