You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
