I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
