is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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