It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
