I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
