I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
