somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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