I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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