awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
