i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
