This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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