like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
