like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
