Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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