my mouth tastes like poor choices
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
