Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
