1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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