i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think I sprained my soul last night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
