A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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