Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
be right there i have to get my cape
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
