I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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