doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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