Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
