you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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