I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
