Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
