The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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