Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Are we still banned from the library?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
