My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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