Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
