I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
