Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My pussy is not your playground.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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