i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
