Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
