and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize