Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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