Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
