i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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