Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
