i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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