Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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